The first time I read that Tolkien letter it brought me to tears because of how piercingly human it is. “Out of the darkness of my life, so much frustrated, I present to you the one thing to love…” wow
Oh I loved this! I think you’re so right when you say it takes that normal couple to show us what a soul mate really is. Daily work and dedication! A couple that is married for a lifetime is a wellspring of knowledge! If only we turned to them more than we do our celebrities.
I ended this laughing at the bird comment, but this whole piece is such a refreshing take on the concept of a soul mate and the gift of choosing and being chosen by someone.
I lost my soulmate six years ago. We were married 41 years. We grew together in many ways. One spring about 15 years ago he bought me a pair of lime green sandals just because. I still wear them. And I watched Braves baseball in his honor. It’s the little things. And it’s the memories that keep me going.
Romance culture is so obsessed with being chosen dramatically that it forgets how much love is proved in repetition. This was such a cosy read, Ben. Thank you for sharing!
❤️💍 55 years and counting.. "“Love is worth fighting for. Apply discipline, luck, and passion to generate the result you’re after.”"
"But true Love is a durable fire
In the mind ever burning;
Never sick, never old, never dead,
From itself never turning." — Sir Walter Raleigh, “Walshinghame
I found my soul-mate because of Tolkien. I became a JRRT fan in 10th grade. At University, in the early weeks in History class, I noticed a pretty girl who was always sitting by the windows and writing something. For some reason I thought I’d go find out more. I walked over to where she was sitting, and looked over her shoulder. She was indeed writing—in a notebook, with a fountain pen, in brown ink—and writing in Elvish runes! So I knew she, too, was a Tolkien fan! We struck up a conversation. I was smitten. She and I were in a couple of other classes as well ....I made sure to sit by her all the time. The picture in this blog is the one that sits on our mantelpiece, along with our wedding picture--they are our spiritual godparents.
1. That he did not speak to the spirit of her question was the decisive factor. It truly wasn't about the house. (in my opinion) She decided they weren't a match after all... how could they be, if he didn't seem to operate at her frequency, at a moment she deemed most crucial? Guess they weren't meant to be soul mates after all.
2. The "dirty corners paradox" is an interesting concept. Yeah, everything on social media is a performance in some way. Through it all, some parts "performed" will, to the human heart and intuition, feel real and true. While some others, while appearing authentic due to apparent dirty corner, feel contrived, stilted. It's all quite interesting.
To your point number 1, she was being stupid. Men don’t think like that. They think literally, actual, physical stuff….she was asking in a metaphorical way, she should say so.
Pretending men can't engage in a philosophical conversationis truly the dumbest thing I've ever read. More than half the men I know actively engage with philosophical thought by seeking out content such as podcasts like “Philosophize This!” And read books that cover the thoughts of many philosophers like Spinoza, Hume, Kant, etc. (All men, btw.)
Your post history backed up my theory of stupidity.
I never saw that movie and I can’t build anything, but if my wife needed me to build her a house I would. She’s a peach. But she would owe me back scratches for a lifetime.
Hi Benjamin, really enjoyed reading this piece. In a world where there seems to be endless choices about everything, we think there is a better for everything, including us, forgetting that even with the new partner, someone better might be out there. It is a chase that will never end, as at the end of the day, happiness comes from the foundation you are willing to lay.
Yes – the real soul mate is the one that you are married to. We've been choosing that for nearly 31 years, having got engaged only six weeks after we got together – and I can't recommend it highly enough. Another story which is atypical and high risk – but we both knew we wanted to be together, and that we would make it work. It hasn't been difficult.
The first time I read that Tolkien letter it brought me to tears because of how piercingly human it is. “Out of the darkness of my life, so much frustrated, I present to you the one thing to love…” wow
Beautiful!
Oh I loved this! I think you’re so right when you say it takes that normal couple to show us what a soul mate really is. Daily work and dedication! A couple that is married for a lifetime is a wellspring of knowledge! If only we turned to them more than we do our celebrities.
I ended this laughing at the bird comment, but this whole piece is such a refreshing take on the concept of a soul mate and the gift of choosing and being chosen by someone.
Had to close strong.
So, so good. Someone on a podcast (I think Rick Warren?) said: "The grass is always greener where you water it." It's stuck with me.
I lost my soulmate six years ago. We were married 41 years. We grew together in many ways. One spring about 15 years ago he bought me a pair of lime green sandals just because. I still wear them. And I watched Braves baseball in his honor. It’s the little things. And it’s the memories that keep me going.
This is soooo sweet and I am very sorry for your loss ❤️
Romance culture is so obsessed with being chosen dramatically that it forgets how much love is proved in repetition. This was such a cosy read, Ben. Thank you for sharing!
❤️💍 55 years and counting.. "“Love is worth fighting for. Apply discipline, luck, and passion to generate the result you’re after.”"
"But true Love is a durable fire
In the mind ever burning;
Never sick, never old, never dead,
From itself never turning." — Sir Walter Raleigh, “Walshinghame
I found my soul-mate because of Tolkien. I became a JRRT fan in 10th grade. At University, in the early weeks in History class, I noticed a pretty girl who was always sitting by the windows and writing something. For some reason I thought I’d go find out more. I walked over to where she was sitting, and looked over her shoulder. She was indeed writing—in a notebook, with a fountain pen, in brown ink—and writing in Elvish runes! So I knew she, too, was a Tolkien fan! We struck up a conversation. I was smitten. She and I were in a couple of other classes as well ....I made sure to sit by her all the time. The picture in this blog is the one that sits on our mantelpiece, along with our wedding picture--they are our spiritual godparents.
Nice read thank you :)
1. That he did not speak to the spirit of her question was the decisive factor. It truly wasn't about the house. (in my opinion) She decided they weren't a match after all... how could they be, if he didn't seem to operate at her frequency, at a moment she deemed most crucial? Guess they weren't meant to be soul mates after all.
2. The "dirty corners paradox" is an interesting concept. Yeah, everything on social media is a performance in some way. Through it all, some parts "performed" will, to the human heart and intuition, feel real and true. While some others, while appearing authentic due to apparent dirty corner, feel contrived, stilted. It's all quite interesting.
To your point number 1, she was being stupid. Men don’t think like that. They think literally, actual, physical stuff….she was asking in a metaphorical way, she should say so.
Haha you wouldve never had a chance with her. But yeah you are correct in many ways.
It cracks me up that people always assume I’m a man.
To be fair you wouldve never had a chance with her as a woman either (as a friend) 😂 y'all both not on same wavelength
Pretending men can't engage in a philosophical conversationis truly the dumbest thing I've ever read. More than half the men I know actively engage with philosophical thought by seeking out content such as podcasts like “Philosophize This!” And read books that cover the thoughts of many philosophers like Spinoza, Hume, Kant, etc. (All men, btw.)
Your post history backed up my theory of stupidity.
Never said men can’t or don’t have philosophical conversations. Like many, you read what you want to see/hear, and not what is actually there.
And, going out on a limb here, but name calling is also quite typical of the “new progressives”. 🙄
I never saw that movie and I can’t build anything, but if my wife needed me to build her a house I would. She’s a peach. But she would owe me back scratches for a lifetime.
Hi Benjamin, really enjoyed reading this piece. In a world where there seems to be endless choices about everything, we think there is a better for everything, including us, forgetting that even with the new partner, someone better might be out there. It is a chase that will never end, as at the end of the day, happiness comes from the foundation you are willing to lay.
ReStacking is the greatest comment I have-
Great read!
Beautifully written. Thank you.
Love this! My husband and I were literally talking about this very topic last night.
You nailed it. Great piece.
Yes – the real soul mate is the one that you are married to. We've been choosing that for nearly 31 years, having got engaged only six weeks after we got together – and I can't recommend it highly enough. Another story which is atypical and high risk – but we both knew we wanted to be together, and that we would make it work. It hasn't been difficult.